I am writing this as we embark on a journey to Cabo San Lucas where I am officiating a wedding for our beloved friends, the soon to be Erika and Jeremy Hansen. They will be married on the new moon, a perfect time to set a new path into motion– to be intentional and speak their desires into the universe.
This is my third wedding that I will have officiated and I don’t take the responsibility lightly. It is special to hold space for a couple as they speak their vows and lifetime commitment to one another in front of their friends and family. Not only do we hold space for them on their wedding day, we will continue to do so for the rest of their lives.
There is something that weddings always do for me—they renew and refresh the way I look at my own relationship. It is almost as if we are sharing the vows that the couple is speaking to each other. I usually get emotional as I feel deeply the love that not only the couple shares, but the love between myself and my beloved. Continuing to attend weddings and nuptials is important to me as it’s one of the best dates my husband and I can share and celebrate together (plus there’s usually dancing and champagne, so that’s a huge plus, too).
I have touched a bit on self-love here lately, and although Jonah and I were very young when we embarked on our relationship together (I was 18, he was 20—we got married at 24 & 26), one thing has remained constant: we support each other’s desire for growth while holding space for each other on our own individual healing journeys. You can read more about our love story here.
There is so much to be said to have done the work on yourself before entering into relationship, loving oneself deeply, and being ‘healed’ before making serious commitments to another.
However, there isn’t ‘one way’ to enter into relationship. My belief is that the process of growth and healing never ends. I’m not sure if we are ever fully healed from emotional wounding or traumatic experiences, but we can sure learn to navigate our way though it one step at a time. A true partnership is one that faces challenges and continues to support the other in their own journey. We’re a mirror for each other in this life. We can let the other see things in themselves that they might not see. To help the other learn to love themselves a little bit deeper.
Here are a few bits of inspiration if you are currently in a relationship or hope to have a partner some day:
1. Do your internal work.
It isn’t always easy facing our own demons. In fact, it’s hard and ugly. However, the more work you put into yourself, the more it will show in your outward reality. Therapy, self-help books, support groups, coaching, meditation, etc. can all be great avenues to start your path of self-discovery. Couples therapy is always an excellent tool if you both resonate with the therapist.
2. Take care of your body.
You are only as healthy as your body, and it’s important to keep up your physical health so that you can continue to feel good and do all the things you love to do. It is up to you to put in the work to keep your body feeling its best. Proper nutrition, physical fitness, yoga, sleep, etc. are all important for keeping healthy physically.
3. Don’t quit something you love to do for a partner.
Ever. Unless it’s detrimental to the relationship of yourself, of course. It’s vital for both parties to continue to do the things that you love with or without each other.
4. Maintain your friendships.
It’s really easy to forget about friends in the beginning of a love relationship, but it is so important to keep up your relationships throughout your life. As people grow and change, our lives become busier and we have a more difficult time maintaining friendships. Invest in your quality friendships—you never know when you might need a friend.
5. Find something that you are interested in as a couple and learn it together.
It can be so fun to learn something foreign to the both of you, together, as a team.
6. Self-care and self-love are essential in maintaining a high-quality relationship!
Continue to do things alone, take time aside for yourself throughout the day and remember to continue to date yourself. Take yourself out to lunch, clean your space, meditate, practice yoga, get out in nature, travel alone.
7. Go on date nights, together.
It’s easy to forget to go on dates after being together for a long time but make things fun and take each other out on dates!
8. Spend time with other couples who inspire you.
They say that you’re only as successful as the 5 people you surround yourself with the most. Set the bar high with who you choose to spend your time with, especially as a couple.
9. Maintain healthy boundaries.
Just because you’re in relationship, doesn’t mean that anything goes. Setting boundaries is healthy and important. “If you continue to do X, then I will Y.”
10. Always kiss each other goodnight and say I love you all the time!
Choose verbiage that is healthy and loving. Don’t just tell them you love them, show them, too. Learn their love language and speak it fluently. (Link to the shop for 5 Love Languages book).
Relationships are sacred. Continue to invest your time in yourself, each other, and prepare to witness your relationship unfold beautifully. No one is perfect and therefore not one relationship is perfect. Put in the work and you will bear fruit. Do you have any other relationship tips? Please reach out here!